According to Fox News, traditional console gaming is dying out.
Why? Because some random dickhead said so. Blah blah blah.
We at Nintendorks are all avid gamers, and we’ve never met Mark Ormond, “Avid Gamer” expert, at any of the meetings. But, according to Fox, if Mark Ormond announces that the sky is falling for the game console industry, then by God it must be so.
Nintendo’s Satoru Iwata, when reached for comment, asked for clarification: “What was that? Bon-bons are sleds? Hold on, I need to clear out my ears. They’re clogged up with billions of yen. My ears always fill up with yen whenever I go swimming in the neat new Money Pool we installed from the profits we made on the Wii. Let me get back to you when I can hear more clearly.”
We also reached out to Activision CEO/all-around-asshole Bobby Kotick about whether or not gamers are tired of paying $60 a year for a new games in their favorite series. “I do believe the model is sustainable, at least in the near future. Oh, what do you think of my car? It’s made up entirely of $100 bills.” EA’s Peter Moore, when asked for comment, just shoved $348.76 in our reporter’s eye socket and walked away laughing.