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Mar 3, 2020 0

Happy 3rd Birthday, Nintendo Switch!! *Ahem* Spit That Out of Your Mouth Please.

Can you believe it’s already been three years since Nintendo launched the Switch? Boy, time sure does fly when you’re drowning in a backlog of unplayed games huh? I can remember the night clearly, standing in line amongst dozens of other dorks, freezing my mushrooms off in the San Francisco wind. The excitement was palpable as we watched that clock count down until midnight and I couldn’t wait to throw a nice chunk of change at a Switch console, copy of Breath of the Wild, pro controller and Zelda, GuardianLinkLink Rider and Bokoblin amiibo (not to mention somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-7 Fieldwork IPA’s and probably a late night slice). To celebrate Nintendo’s hybrid console entering its middle age (in typical Nintendo system years that is), I thought it would be fun to take a look at precisely which titles I’ve spent the most time playing during these past 156 weeks.

Why yes, that is my idea of fun!

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Those were 500 dollar glasses, asshole!
Aug 27, 2014 0

Dok- er, Pokken Tournament, a Pokémon game in the Tekken engine, announced

Finally, a game where you can battle Pokémon

Last week Nintendo teased a “shocking” Pokémon announcement to occur on Tuesday. Today was that Tuesday, Bison was in Belgium*, and the shocking new game was in fact announced. Pokken Tournament, a fighting game in the Tekken engine (oh I see what they did!) is being developed by Bandai Namco and slated to hit Japanese arcades sometime next year. The announcement came with a short trailer showing Machokeamp [Note: dammit!] and Smash Bros. veteran and Vegas-odds favorite Lucario beating the shit out of each other, which is embedded below.

Pokk Pokk Pokken on heaven’s door

Feb 27, 2014 0

Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection Shutdown Survival Guide

On May 20th, Nintendo will cease operating Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection worldwide, meaning all of these games will no longer be able to access their online functions. Last June Nintendo shut off the Wii Connect 24 service, most notable for its use in sending messages and Miis to friends, in Animal Crossing, and the various Wii Channels, so the writing has been on the wall for a little over half a year now. Well, really longer, as when the hell was the last time you played a Wii game online? That said, maybe you want to wring every last ounce of online-enabled joy that you can out of the little white monolith before it becomes IMPOSSIBLE*. Here, then, is a guide to living it up in the endtimes.
Your Survival Guide Awaits!

Dec 5, 2013 0

Holidorks Musical Advent Calendar 2013: God Rest Ye Merry, Pokemon.

Hey kids, WHO LIKES POKEMANZ? To be honest, outside of Pinball and Snap I haven’t played anything Pokemon related since the Gold/Silver days. And I really only bought into the craze of the main series back then because that real-time clock sounded badass. This was well over ten years ago now yet here we are: The recent X and Y installments are a massive sales success for the 3DS which means those little pocket monsters are just as popular as ever. Who’d have called that? In honor of this series’ longevity, let’s have a listen to a beautifully seasonal track from Diamond/Pearl for the original DS, hmmmmm?
Click Here to Open Door #5!

Oct 17, 2013 0

Pokemon X and Y Sell FOUR MILLION COPIES IN TWO DAYS. Nintendo Now “Only, Kinda Sorta Doomed.”

While Wii U sales figures remain in a dead heat with our site’s hit stats, the 3DS keeps chugging along just fine. As you can no doubt tell from the headline, the two most recent installments in the long running Pokemon franchise have made cash registers around the world burst into flames this past week. I mean seriously, who the hell knew those little pocket monsters were still so damn popular? The children that’s who. With an increasingly outstanding library of titles already available and a little game featuring some broad named Zelda on the holiday horizon, Nintendo’s 3D portable shows no signs of slowing down. And the 2DS only just came out too!

AYE, come on Nintendo let’s get on that collectible Pokemon Battle AR card game already, omg.

Jan 9, 2013 5

Hey somebody should write a Pokémon article because Nintendo just announced the next games

To: Nintendorks Staff
From: ANC

Subject: Hey somebody should write a Pokémon article because Nintendo just announced the next games

Hey all, Nintendo did yet another Nintendo Direct this morning about Pokémon, specifically to announce Pokémon X and Y, the next main games in the series, are coming out for the 3DS in October of this year. Not only that, but they’re coming out pretty much simultaneously in the major regions (désolé, Quebec) instead of six months to a year after Japanese players are already bored of it. That’s kind of a big deal, especially since online global battling and trading has been A Thing in the series since Diamond and Pearl came out in 2006. The graphics have received the most significant overhaul in the main series since Gold and Silver added color, so a bunch of screenshots and a link to the trailer would probably be good to put in the article. Maybe some images of the new starters and the version legendaries (Unown no longer has the monopoly on looking like Roman alphabet characters it seems). Maybe throw in some jokes, too, I dunno. Bag on French Canadians, they’re always fun to laugh at.

Kevin, you like Pokémon, right? Here, use these media in the article.

Oct 10, 2012 0

New York Dorks: Nintendo at New York Comic Con (UPDATE: Pokémon meetup event info)

The New York Comic Con starts tomorrow and runs through Sunday, and if you already have a ticket to the sold-out event and read this site then you already know this you’ll probably want to make time to stop by Nintendo’s booth, as today’s press release details quite a few upcoming 3DS and Wii U games that will be playable, as well as competitions to win one of eight 3DS XL systems.

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Oct 10, 2012 0

PeTA Valiantly Continues Campaign to Reinvent Beloved Game Franchises as Torture Porn

PeTA has decided that the best way to advance the ethical treatment of animals is to cash in on the hype of a major release on a Nintendo handheld with a manipulative, gore-fueled “parody” game. Hey, this sounds familiar.

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