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Feb 26, 2015 0

Donkey Kong Country Returns!… to Virtual Console

Three SNES games back on Wii, finally on Wii U; other Kong shenanigans afoot

As part of the weekly eShop update today, Donkey Kong Country 1-3 have been made available on Wii and Wii U. The classic Super Nintendo platformers were available to purchase on the Wii Shop Channel for a long time, but vanished without any fanfare or explanation about two years ago. They recently resurfaced on the European Wii U eShop, leading many Americans to complain about how much better Nintendo always treats Europe and how it’s always been like this, conveniently forgetting, oh, everything else ever. Yeah, I know, I wanted to play Doshin the Giant, too, people, but trust me: on the balance, we won.
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Nov 23, 2014 0


The Nintendo DS turned 10 years old this past week, and furthermore Donkey Kong Country was released for the Super Nintendo *20* years ago.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Previously on You Are Old:]

Jun 16, 2014 0

What Did You Play? Uh… in the time since the last one Edition (May-ish ’14)

I guess I’m just gonna do these mid-month or whenever from now on. WHOOPS.

Yeah just talk about whatever you’ve been playing lately. I guess you can also talk about what games you’re looking forward to playing; I think we tried doing that for a bit a few years ago but, well, effort. I’ll go first, as is the way of our people.

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May 26, 2014 0

Review: Donkey Kong 64

This bananas is shit.

Donkey Kong 64 came out in the fall of 1999 and was bundled with the new Nintendo 64 Expansion Pak, which was required in order for the game to run. At the time I balked at using money I had earned, by the hard labor of being born on a day and having grandparents, to pay the premium (at the time) price of $59.99 the bundle commanded. Somehow this same logic didn’t apply to the similar accessory-game bundle of Pokémon Stadium, but long story short I did not end up getting an Expansion Pak, or any of the three games that required it, back when the N64 was current. Recently, that changed.

So what did I think of this “legendary” game, playing it for the first time years later?

Feb 23, 2014 0

Donkey Kong Country Returns: Tropical Freeze Review

This fucking game doesn’t want to play in my Wii.

Wait do I need to buy that controller thing?


Oct 5, 2012 2

The Long-Lost “Pie Factory” Stage From the Original Donkey Kong is Now Available for the Low, Low Price of Just $29.99!!

“Holy Shi-moly, how can I get in on this sweet deal!?” Well, it’s fairly easy: If you’re a Club Nintendo member, simply pony up the first born male in your bloodline as a ritualistic sacrifice to Beelzebub any time before January 6th and wait, WHOA. Yeah I read that press release all wrong, my mistake.
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Aug 2, 2011 Comments Off on Thirty Years of Mushrooms: An Interview with Mario
Jun 8, 2011 Comments Off on Impressions: Super Mario 3DS and Mario Kart

Impressions: Super Mario 3DS and Mario Kart

All right, complaineteers, the 3DS’s childhood has been a little rough. Like, it’s a little unsettling that people are listing “System Settings” as their favorite thing to do on the new system. Pilotwings Resort was neat, but short. The recent release of the Virtual Console has been a welcome relief for the two weeks between now and when Ocarina of Time 3D comes out, but all in all, it’s like finding a few more drops of water in your canteen when you probably should not have been put in the desert to begin with.

So, Nintendo’s information-dump yesterday about their upcoming first-party 3DS titles is just what I want to hear. We’re getting Star Fox 64 3D in September, followed by Kid Icarus: Uprising, Mario Kart, Super Mario 3DS, and eventually Luigi’s Mansion. Each of these titles was on display outside of the Nokia Center, and I headed towards two of the titles I was most interested in, Super Mario 3DS, and Mario Kart. Each title was featured in a tent, where dudes and ladies attached to 3DSes stood on platforms (that put their crotches uncomfortably close to your face) and allowed play of the new games. People stood in line outside of the tent, but I quickly realized that the only reason they were in line is that people are dumb, so I skipped the line, ran around to the back side of the tent, and got on a 3DS lickety-split. Sorry, suckers!

Hit that jump for some impressions!
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