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Super Nintendo Reviews

Apr 8, 2018 0

Toys ‘R Us: Where a Grown Man Can Be a Grown Man Shaking Hands With the Ashes of His Childhood.

But only for a limited time!!

For many children of the 80’s and 90’s, Toys ‘R Us has been dead since they canned that old video game purchasing ticket system years ago, but now it’s official. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the news that TRU is currently on their last legs and stores are closing all over the country. Since I live in San Francisco, this doesn’t really affect my day to day at all as there hasn’t been a city location for who knows how long. But it did feel like like rounding up my good buddy @theminimateproject and heading down to the South Bay for one final shopping trip was the right thing to do. There wasn’t any real endgame in mind other than I wanted to to buy something, it of course had to be Nintendo related, and I needed to keep my shit together in front of the cashier when paying for it. The photoblog which you are about to read is an account of the tragedy which befell this long lasting toy store chain. It is all the more tragic in that I had to travel about 50 miles to get to the nearest one. The events of that day were to lead to the last Nintendo product this dork will ever own a Toys ‘R Us receipt for.

Let’s go shopping!
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Mar 23, 2018 0

The Official Nintendorks Top Ten Nintendo Wii Virtual Console Games to Download Before You’re That Thing is D.E.A.D.

While the long running Wii service won’t technically expire until January of next year, this sure as shit is the last weekend you can throw cash at it. As of this Monday, March 26th you will no longer be able to purchase points toward downloadable games on the Nintendo Wii. And while countless articles just like this are indeed popping up across all major news outlets around the world, you, dear reader have come to Nintendorks for stone cold facts. Presented here is a list of the ten Virtual Console games you should probably download after you steal back that Wii from your Grandma.

Go on, get it. I bet she’s sleeping.
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Jul 27, 2015 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2015: I Want a Gamer With a Fast Hand.

Desperate for an excuse to beat the Summer heat by staying indoors for the next 160+ hours? Well, you’re in luck because the fine folks over at Awesome Games Done Quick have you covered! At this very moment (as in as I tap on this keyboard) the annual Summer edition of their week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity is fully underway. By now you know the drill, top record holders for titles spanning all consoles for the past 3 decades emerge from their parents’ basements to do what they do best: Sit on a couch and twitch their fingers in front of a television screen. Once again the cause is Doctors Without Borders and at the time of this writing they’re already hovering around the 100k mark on the very first day!

Click this blue text right here to hop on over and take a peek or if you’re like me, grab the old Wii U gamepad and stream this sucker from your flatscreen. Here, I’ll even help getting it up and running: In the settings tab on your internet browser, be sure the user agent is set to either the Wii U option or Chrome*. Once that’s done, tap the link provided above and boom, in.

*For future reference, pro-tip: Playing with these settings can also allow you to view other ahem non-Nintendo approved online content.

Jun 22, 2014 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2014: Real Nerds Finish Fast.

Heads up, cool dudes and dudettes! The annual SGDQ week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity has finally kicked off! These record holders for games spanning just about any system you can think of come together in the sake of charity to do what they do best: Sit around in their own stink for hours staring at a screen. And you should too, because these marathons are fun. At the last one that took place I saw someone beat Super Mario 64 in 20 minutes using only one hand and another dude speed-run through Super Punch-Out!! blindfolded. Needless to say, this kind of thing brings up a lot of heavy commitment issues but it’s so worth it. This season’s beneficiary is something called Doctors Without Borders which is apparently a very good cause. The monetary goal is to hit $450,000 in donations by the end of the week but they actually managed to double that at the last event, breaking a cool million.

Records will be shattered, legends forged, pants shat. It’s all streaming live right now so start watching already by clicking this blue text that you’re currently staring at!

Jun 8, 2013 0

SNES REVIEW: Mega Man X (A Visual Guide to My Maiden Voyage).

This is pretty embarrassing to admit, but up until last week I’d never laid my hands on a Mega Man X game before. I guess growing up I’d just written the entire franchise off as some crap spinoff of the main MM series ala’ Battle Network or whatever but I couldn’t have been more wrong! Not long after downloading the first installment through the Wii U Virtual Console I discovered that this game is unbelievably awesome and as close to perfectly balanced as I can imagine. On one hand I certainly deserve to feel like an idiot for such a massive oversight but on the other, it’s one hell of a solid past me did for now me because I can’t put this thing down. In fact, I’ve been borderline obsessed enough to document the entire experience via screenshots through miiverse (snarky comments included) and now that my first of what I’m sure will be many playthroughs is all wrapped up, I’ve decided to share them with you! Isn’t that sweet?
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May 23, 2013 0

Thursday’s Download: I’m Getting So Sick Of Writing About Kirby.

Attention, weirdos out there burdened with the unhealthy desire to wrap your creepy little mitts around any and all things Kirby-related: Today’s list of releases for the Wii U’s Virtual Console reads like a greatest hits of the pink puffball’s 16-bit adventures.This means that not only is there a good chance you already own these titles in some form or another but that you also don’t care and will buy them again anyway. First up is Kirby’s Dream Course: A “golf simulator” that plays more like a really, really weird pool game. I downloaded this a long time ago for the original Wii in a drunken haze and didn’t play past that night so my opinion probably isn’t worth much. But if you want to hear it anyway I’d say this game is kind of lame-o. For a more traditional experience, Nintendo is also serving up Kirby Super Star as well as Kirby’s Dream Land 3. The former being a collection of smaller games who’s structure still has me scratching my head and the latter a critically acclaimed sidescroller that I’ve never played because I keep forgetting that I own it. These two are included in that awesome Anniversary Collection that came out for the Wii late last year (which I reviewed) so if you want to maybe save space on your puny little girly-man hard drive, that might be the option to go with. And speaking of lack of storage space, the full retail version of the 3DS remake of Donkey Kong Country Returns can now be download at the expense of $39.99 and a whopping 17,693 blocks! Anyone who’s played the original for Wii already knows what a great job Retro did reviving this long dormant franchise but is it worth buying again? Based on everything I’ve read, the answer is “Sure, I guess so.”

May 10, 2013 0

SNES REVIEW: The Video Game based on Jurassic Park: The Movie based on Jurassic Park: The Book.

Hey everyone, did you know that Spielberg’s 1993 dino-movie classic was put back into theaters a few weeks ago featuring a fancy new 3D facelift? Oh…uh, me too! I still haven’t gone to check it out myself but from what I hear, the movie is just as effective as ever and the conversion is actually really well done. Maybe I’ll go see it this weekend before my local showtimes go extinct. Haha-eh. Anyway, to celebrate this momentous occasion I’ve gone back and cleaned up my review of the SNES adaptation. And by cleaned up I mean I actually went in, fixed up some grammar, edited some lame jokes and took out a healthy chunk of F-bombs. My God, what’s wrong with me?

Please enjoy:

I never owned or played this game back during its 16-bit heyday but recently came across a copy and the other night decided to finally have a go at the little bastard. The idea was to drink a ton of beer and with the help of our old friends over at gamefaqs, actually try to complete the entire game in one sitting. The following post is a brief visual re-enactment of how it all went down:
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Feb 20, 2013 0

Grab Hold of Your Golden Nipples, F-Zero Speeds Onto the Wii U’s Virtual Console!

And what more do you need to know? Oh right that as part of the Famicom’s 30th Anniversary celebration, this 16-bit classic will only set you back 30 cents. I mean honestly, does anything outside of a flea market only cost 30 cents these days? Here’s another one of those games that plenty of you have probably picked up in other formats over the years but trust me: This version for the Wii U more than warrants yet another purchase. Why? Well because not counting the last time I pulled out of a Taco Bell drive-thru, I’ve never piloted a vehicle past 400 miles an hour while taking a crap. F-Zero is a product of the early SNES days when children’s vocabularies around the schoolyard were introduced to phrases like “mode-7” and “taint”. I clearly remember seeing screenshots for it in Nintendo Power for the first time and being completely confused by what the hell I was looking at. The racetrack looked all pixelated and I couldn’t figure out why anyone could possibly need more than 2 action buttons on their controller. The curiosity was instant but unfortunately I didn’t get my hands on a copy until probably around sophomore year in high school. When it happened, I was blown away by not only how addictive the gameplay was but by what would become one of my favorite Super Nintendo soundtracks of all time.
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