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Wii Reviews

Apr 8, 2018 0

Toys ‘R Us: Where a Grown Man Can Be a Grown Man Shaking Hands With the Ashes of His Childhood.

But only for a limited time!!

For many children of the 80’s and 90’s, Toys ‘R Us has been dead since they canned that old video game purchasing ticket system years ago, but now it’s official. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the news that TRU is currently on their last legs and stores are closing all over the country. Since I live in San Francisco, this doesn’t really affect my day to day at all as there hasn’t been a city location for who knows how long. But it did feel like like rounding up my good buddy @theminimateproject and heading down to the South Bay for one final shopping trip was the right thing to do. There wasn’t any real endgame in mind other than I wanted to to buy something, it of course had to be Nintendo related, and I needed to keep my shit together in front of the cashier when paying for it. The photoblog which you are about to read is an account of the tragedy which befell this long lasting toy store chain. It is all the more tragic in that I had to travel about 50 miles to get to the nearest one. The events of that day were to lead to the last Nintendo product this dork will ever own a Toys ‘R Us receipt for.

Let’s go shopping!
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Mar 23, 2018 0

The Official Nintendorks Top Ten Nintendo Wii Virtual Console Games to Download Before You’re That Thing is D.E.A.D.

While the long running Wii service won’t technically expire until January of next year, this sure as shit is the last weekend you can throw cash at it. As of this Monday, March 26th you will no longer be able to purchase points toward downloadable games on the Nintendo Wii. And while countless articles just like this are indeed popping up across all major news outlets around the world, you, dear reader have come to Nintendorks for stone cold facts. Presented here is a list of the ten Virtual Console games you should probably download after you steal back that Wii from your Grandma.

Go on, get it. I bet she’s sleeping.
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Nov 19, 2016 0

BREAKING: The Wii Launched in North America 10 Years Ago Today.

And boy, are my arms tired!!

In this week’s “you’re getting old” news, it has now been a full decade since Nintendo released their Wii, in effect creating a financial renaissance for the useless peripheral industry. If you were there, you remember: The very thought of flailing around the living room like that Madonna “Vogue” kid while bowling through the TV was all the rage. You were doing it, your parents were doing it and your grandparents were just happy to be included in doing something. The Nintendo Wii was a legitimate cultural phenomenon. And while the company has been through some mighty highs and crippling lows since that motion controlled apex, today let’s celebrate the little waggle machine that could. Here, I’ll go first via vintage low res camera photos:

It was a dark and stormy morning…
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Jul 27, 2015 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2015: I Want a Gamer With a Fast Hand.

Desperate for an excuse to beat the Summer heat by staying indoors for the next 160+ hours? Well, you’re in luck because the fine folks over at Awesome Games Done Quick have you covered! At this very moment (as in as I tap on this keyboard) the annual Summer edition of their week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity is fully underway. By now you know the drill, top record holders for titles spanning all consoles for the past 3 decades emerge from their parents’ basements to do what they do best: Sit on a couch and twitch their fingers in front of a television screen. Once again the cause is Doctors Without Borders and at the time of this writing they’re already hovering around the 100k mark on the very first day!

Click this blue text right here to hop on over and take a peek or if you’re like me, grab the old Wii U gamepad and stream this sucker from your flatscreen. Here, I’ll even help getting it up and running: In the settings tab on your internet browser, be sure the user agent is set to either the Wii U option or Chrome*. Once that’s done, tap the link provided above and boom, in.

*For future reference, pro-tip: Playing with these settings can also allow you to view other ahem non-Nintendo approved online content.

Mar 12, 2015 0

REVIEW: Neo Turf Masters: If Loving This Game is Wrong, GUESS WHO’S WRONG.

There’s been so much going on in the world of Nintendo lately, I have no idea why I even brought it up first thing. From the whole amiibo phenomenon/limited availability fiasco to the release of new 3DS as well as recent additions to various big name software franchises, our favorite game makers here at this site are all over the damn map in terms of customer satisfaction. That was a long sentence, and this one is too as we’re in a critical time for the company since Wii U sales are lagging behind those of even the GameCube at this stage in that system’s life cycle. Yet the 3DS is thriving and nerds are eating each other alive across online auction sites trying to secure plastic molds of Wii Fit Trainer and Mega Man. So how has yours truly been spending the last several months spiraling around amidst all of this high profile chaos?

Tethered to a classic controller playing SNK arcade golf from the mid-90’s like my life depends on it.
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Feb 26, 2015 0

Donkey Kong Country Returns!… to Virtual Console

Three SNES games back on Wii, finally on Wii U; other Kong shenanigans afoot

As part of the weekly eShop update today, Donkey Kong Country 1-3 have been made available on Wii and Wii U. The classic Super Nintendo platformers were available to purchase on the Wii Shop Channel for a long time, but vanished without any fanfare or explanation about two years ago. They recently resurfaced on the European Wii U eShop, leading many Americans to complain about how much better Nintendo always treats Europe and how it’s always been like this, conveniently forgetting, oh, everything else ever. Yeah, I know, I wanted to play Doshin the Giant, too, people, but trust me: on the balance, we won.
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Jun 22, 2014 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2014: Real Nerds Finish Fast.

Heads up, cool dudes and dudettes! The annual SGDQ week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity has finally kicked off! These record holders for games spanning just about any system you can think of come together in the sake of charity to do what they do best: Sit around in their own stink for hours staring at a screen. And you should too, because these marathons are fun. At the last one that took place I saw someone beat Super Mario 64 in 20 minutes using only one hand and another dude speed-run through Super Punch-Out!! blindfolded. Needless to say, this kind of thing brings up a lot of heavy commitment issues but it’s so worth it. This season’s beneficiary is something called Doctors Without Borders which is apparently a very good cause. The monetary goal is to hit $450,000 in donations by the end of the week but they actually managed to double that at the last event, breaking a cool million.

Records will be shattered, legends forged, pants shat. It’s all streaming live right now so start watching already by clicking this blue text that you’re currently staring at!

Apr 17, 2014 0

Time to Fish Out Your Parent’s Credit Card, Kids. Super Mario Bros. 3 is Now Available on the Virtual Console! Again!

The final (and arguably greatest) installment of the tubby plumber’s 8-bit adventures is at last up for grabs from both the Wii U and 3DS’ respective eShops. Like, at this very moment. As in right now. #ohmygodwhatareyouwaitingfor, etc. Why have I deemed this news exciting enough to pull my fingers from a self-imposed writing slumber? What can I say, I like seeing Mario plastered across the front page of the site. So what if this NES classic has already been available on the original Wii’s Virtual Console for the better part of the last decade. Let alone to most nerds that still have their old cartridge collecting dust somewhere in the house (guilty). This is a game that is pure platforming perfection and demands to be bought over and over again, especially if you’ve managed to convince yourself that you have a disposable income (double guilty)! Neat new features for these versions of the game include mappable buttons along with the expected off-screen play feature on Wii U, while the 3DS marks the first time SMB3 has graced a Nintendo portable in its (for the most part) original incarnation. At least I think so…something about e-reader cards is tapping at the back of my memory so I’ll have to check in with ANC about that.

You may commence with the bitching about the lack of a unified account system at this time.
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