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Living in the beautiful city of San Francisco California, Ray spends most of his time indoors compiling a massive backlog of Nintendo games.

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Ray

Jul 27, 2015 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2015: I Want a Gamer With a Fast Hand.

Desperate for an excuse to beat the Summer heat by staying indoors for the next 160+ hours? Well, you’re in luck because the fine folks over at Awesome Games Done Quick have you covered! At this very moment (as in as I tap on this keyboard) the annual Summer edition of their week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity is fully underway. By now you know the drill, top record holders for titles spanning all consoles for the past 3 decades emerge from their parents’ basements to do what they do best: Sit on a couch and twitch their fingers in front of a television screen. Once again the cause is Doctors Without Borders and at the time of this writing they’re already hovering around the 100k mark on the very first day!

Click this blue text right here to hop on over and take a peek or if you’re like me, grab the old Wii U gamepad and stream this sucker from your flatscreen. Here, I’ll even help getting it up and running: In the settings tab on your internet browser, be sure the user agent is set to either the Wii U option or Chrome*. Once that’s done, tap the link provided above and boom, in.

*For future reference, pro-tip: Playing with these settings can also allow you to view other ahem non-Nintendo approved online content.

Jun 2, 2015 0

NINTENDORKS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 2015: Today We’re Gonna Play Like it’s 1990 uhhh…

This past weekend Nintendo held their preliminary match-ups for the 2015 World Championship competition, marking the first time they’ve entertained such an event since 1990. And by “World” Championship, really it just means that the company restricted the open call to North America and threw 8 darts at a map covered in Best Buy locations. As luck for yours truly would shake out, one of the stores happened to be here in San Francisco and about 15 blocks or so from where I sleep and keep all of my stuff. So guess what! Yep. I can officially someday yell at my grandchildren for rolling their eyes when I tell them the story of how I participated in a Nintendo tournament. Hell, I may even include it on my resume’ from now on.

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Mar 12, 2015 0

REVIEW: Neo Turf Masters: If Loving This Game is Wrong, GUESS WHO’S WRONG.

There’s been so much going on in the world of Nintendo lately, I have no idea why I even brought it up first thing. From the whole amiibo phenomenon/limited availability fiasco to the release of new 3DS as well as recent additions to various big name software franchises, our favorite game makers here at this site are all over the damn map in terms of customer satisfaction. That was a long sentence, and this one is too as we’re in a critical time for the company since Wii U sales are lagging behind those of even the GameCube at this stage in that system’s life cycle. Yet the 3DS is thriving and nerds are eating each other alive across online auction sites trying to secure plastic molds of Wii Fit Trainer and Mega Man. So how has yours truly been spending the last several months spiraling around amidst all of this high profile chaos?

Tethered to a classic controller playing SNK arcade golf from the mid-90’s like my life depends on it.
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Jul 8, 2014 0

PLAYING WITH POWER (Nintendo Toy Impressions): Let’s Have a Look at Those Mario Kart 8 Happy Meal Prizes!

Well this doesn’t happen very often so you’d better believe that made it high time to embarrass myself in public by taking a bunch of awkward pictures! There are NINTENDO TOYS in Happy Meals right now. As in THIS VERY MOMENT. Like, you could actually leave your house and go buy them TODAY. This wonderful occurrence equals yours truly waking up long before his comfort hour to snag the complete lot as quickly as possible. The following post is a blow by blow visual re-enactment of said “collecting” and is jam-packed with half assed attempts at jokes courtesy of our very own brand of Nintendork humor.
In other words, it isn’t very funny at all:

Jun 22, 2014 0

Summer Games Done Quick 2014: Real Nerds Finish Fast.

Heads up, cool dudes and dudettes! The annual SGDQ week long, 24 hour a day video game marathon for charity has finally kicked off! These record holders for games spanning just about any system you can think of come together in the sake of charity to do what they do best: Sit around in their own stink for hours staring at a screen. And you should too, because these marathons are fun. At the last one that took place I saw someone beat Super Mario 64 in 20 minutes using only one hand and another dude speed-run through Super Punch-Out!! blindfolded. Needless to say, this kind of thing brings up a lot of heavy commitment issues but it’s so worth it. This season’s beneficiary is something called Doctors Without Borders which is apparently a very good cause. The monetary goal is to hit $450,000 in donations by the end of the week but they actually managed to double that at the last event, breaking a cool million.

Records will be shattered, legends forged, pants shat. It’s all streaming live right now so start watching already by clicking this blue text that you’re currently staring at!

Jun 10, 2014 0

Nintendo E3 Report (7.10.14): Wii U Owners Stunned With the Announcement of New Games!

“Not My Problem.” Says NOA President.

Well, Nintendo’s big E3 presentation came and went this morning and there were plenty of suprises to be had. The most obvious perhaps being that Nintendorks actually has an article about it (heyo)! Many of the details revealed today would be worthy of posts all on their own, but in the interest of laziness and the fact that my computer sounds like a wood chipper, I’ve decided to embrace the list format and focus on the top five bits that gave me the feeling. You know, the dirty one.

Please to enjoy.
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May 8, 2014 0

This Just In: Nintendo Drops Out of the Video Game Scene, Gets Back Into uh…Making Toys.

Well Kinda. Actually No, Not Really at All.

Anyone who’s been in a TRU or Best Buy or whatever sometime within the past year and change has no doubt witnessed some idiot kid smacking a packaged action figure against a television. Y’know, those setups they have that scan different toys and then the character will show up on the screen ready to do God knows what. I have to admit complete ignorance here when it comes to what’s up with this whole Skylanders craze or how it all even really works to begin with (feel free to email me with details at idontreallycare@fakeemailaddress.com). But apparently the phenomenon is pulling in enough bread to make Nintendo hop aboard the fad, hoping it will inject life into their comatose home console market.
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Apr 21, 2014 0

The Game Boy Just Turned 25 and You Know What That Means…

Holy S#!%, You Are OLD.

The first thought that crosses my mind when thinking of the year 1989 is the lie I spread around town that Summer about not blinking once during the entire run time of Tim Burton’s original Batman. The second is remembering how often I could never figure out where I left my Game Boy only to find my Grandmother in some tucked away corner of the house white knuckling a game of Tetris (which consistently worked in my favor as I could always guilt her into buying more batteries). There are a lot of memories that I have associated with this little machine and most of them have to do with not being bought any of the games that I really wanted *cough*TMNT:Fall of the Foot Clan*cough* But we’re not here to dwell on such traumatic childhood experiences! Instead let us celebrate this milestone by discussing our favorite moments from the many wonderful hours Nintendo’s first foray into cartridge based portable gaming had to offer.

Enjoy your quarter-life crisis Game Boy and you, dear reader please enjoy the following (I believe the phrase is “radical”) commercial:
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