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Grab Hold of Your Golden Nipples, F-Zero Speeds Onto the Wii U’s Virtual Console!

And what more do you need to know? Oh right that as part of the Famicom’s 30th Anniversary celebration, this 16-bit classic will only set you back 30 cents. I mean honestly, does anything outside of a flea market only cost 30 cents these days? Here’s another one of those games that plenty of you have probably picked up in other formats over the years but trust me: This version for the Wii U more than warrants yet another purchase. Why? Well because not counting the last time I pulled out of a Taco Bell drive-thru, I’ve never piloted a vehicle past 400 miles an hour while taking a crap. F-Zero is a product of the early SNES days when children’s vocabularies around the schoolyard were introduced to phrases like “mode-7” and “taint”. I clearly remember seeing screenshots for it in Nintendo Power for the first time and being completely confused by what the hell I was looking at. The racetrack looked all pixelated and I couldn’t figure out why anyone could possibly need more than 2 action buttons on their controller. The curiosity was instant but unfortunately I didn’t get my hands on a copy until probably around sophomore year in high school. When it happened, I was blown away by not only how addictive the gameplay was but by what would become one of my favorite Super Nintendo soundtracks of all time.

F-Zero

Oh hey, there’s a screenshot. Weird. Anyway, the music in this game is really really incredible and well worth the measly asking price for the download all by itself. I’ve decided to post a cover to my favorite track, the theme from Mute City to reinforce my opinion for you people. It was produced for that spotty at best There Will Be Brawl web series from a few years ago by some guy named Stephen Willis, I mean Millis. Never heard of it and/or him? Well if you don’t feel like clicking that link, how about we save you a few hours watching the whole thing and just cut to the best part.

Enjoy: