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Tenth Anniversary Memories

The day Nintendo released its GameCube console in North America on November 18th, 2001, I did not purchase one. I had heard Nintendo games were for babies, although soon enough I learned how wrong I was; all video games are for babies. Nevertheless, I eventually bought one, colored in the indigo variety. Some people did not opt for the “purple” version because that is a “gay” color, but if you ever attempted to shove the GameCube up your butt, you realized it can’t possibly be used for that.

In any event, the GameCube was a colossal failure, Nintendo went bankrupt, and now no one remembers Mario. Because of that, I only have fond memories of games Mario didn’t appear in, such as Fire Emblem: A Path of Radiance. That was, without question, my favorite RPG since Shining Soul. What did I like about it? Oh, plenty. I also enjoyed Cubivore, but more for the concept than the execution. Let’s be honest with each other, the graphics were primitive, and the lessons about evolution were clearly blasphemous.

Many complaints were mooed regarding the controller, but although it was built for a woman’s petite hands, I found it to be sufficient for the tasks it was designed for. Other people have differing preferences than me, and that’s fine. They have that freedom. After all, isn’t defending freedom the reason our troops are being maimed in Iraq and Afghanistan? POLITICS.

The GameCube saw the introduction of the Pikmin franchise, the revival of the Metroid franchise, and a wonderful artistic deviation for the Zelda franchise. Many people bemoaned the look of Wind Waker, but not only is that a stellar title full of boats and sexually ambiguous characters, the look and feel was akin to Viewtiful Joe, a splendid homage to cartoons with the right amount of vibrancy and style. While most video games strove for modernism and realism, those uncanny valley, blocky shitfests were not even worth mixing in with the dirt on your grandmother’s grave. Give me a playable comic book any day of the week, even holidays.

Regardless of what anyone might claim, the GameCube had a nice library of titles. Edios’ FPS thriller Time Splitters 2 (with multiplayer level editor) almost made up for the fact that Rare fell off a tower and never did anything worth talking about again. Link made a special appearance in Soul Calibur 2, where he was all grown up and stabbing chicks with big boobs. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door taught me the meaning of love. Billions of hours were spent playing Super Monkey Ball. Another game I played was Super Smash Bros.: Melee.

Looking back, the GameCube was, without a doubt, one of the consoles I owned.

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